I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
