What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
