Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
it's not cheating when I paid for it
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
