and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
