mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
