i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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