i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
