I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
