I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
