can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
