You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the day after is always just damage control
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Still dying that you shit outside
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
