I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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