WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
