That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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