I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
