Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
