If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
