We're like a lot better than the average bears
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
