It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
