He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
