I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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