Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
