Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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