I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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