Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
