ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
