The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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