I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
