I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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