It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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