My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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