Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
