I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
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I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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