well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We were destined to go to rehab together
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
