ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
