I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
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Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
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I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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