If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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