I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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