I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
