Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
