Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
