I could make wine with my vomit
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
