At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
