Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
