Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
