cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
