can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
