My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
