oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
