Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
