Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
