So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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