so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
