just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
