This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Too much gin, very little bucket
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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