he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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