We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize