Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
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I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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