i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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