why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
