how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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