Your dad touched me again.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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