We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
