oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
