The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
